Another week...

This week's hcg is 2.4.  Getting closer...
Normal is considered less than 1
Hopefully next week we'll hit 0.0

Provo Beach Resort

For Christmas, my parents took everyone to The Provo Beach Resort.  They have indoor surfing, a ropes course, bowling, lazer frenzy, playgrounds, a carousel, arcade games, and mini croquet.  Everyone had so much fun!

Jace

Courtney

Aliysa and Courtney

Mallykins

Andrew was a little too short to go on the ropes course, but they said if Bob went with him, he could do it.  He was fearless!

The cousins from Boston - it was so much fun to be with them.  We miss them!

Hi up there, Daniel!

Even Bob and Christian had fun

Anna and Taycie became great friends & walked around holding hands.  So precious!

The carousel

Lunch

The Flow Rider.  It was so entertaining, lots of crashes and tons of fun.

And then my camera died....so that's all the pictures until I steal some from my siblings blogs (if they ever post pictures or video...hint, hint.)
Thanks for the fun memories, Grandpa and Grandma! 

Almost there

Well....they finally called with my hcg result. 

It is less than 3.3!

We need three weeks at zero, then I will be tested each month for a year, then once a year after that. 
I feel more energy this week - the aching tiredness that I've been used to is lessening.  Now I'm dealing with hip pain when walking, back pain, etc.  I think it may be from aspects of my diet that have been missing the past little while.  I don't want to adjust my diet too soon, but I'm trying to be wise about what my body needs now.

So relieved! I know it isn't zero yet, but we're so close!
Tasha

Pedicures

For my birthday, my sister Lisa and my sister-in-law Tara kidnapped me.  We went to a salon and got pedicures. It was so fun.  That morning I had found out that my hcg level had gone up, and I was crushed.  I felt so worried.  We spent the day at Provo Beach Resort, my parents Christmas present to everyone.  I was exhausted, so I went home with my Mom and took a nap.  I was deeply asleep when Tara and Lisa told Aliysa to gently ask me if I'd like to wake up to be kidnapped.  Aliysa walked in my room, flipped on the light and asked (ungently) if I was up for it.  I didn't want to go out in the cold, but I relented.  I'm so glad I did.  It was just the thing to get my mind off of my problems.  We had a lot of fun.  It was the perfect ending to my birthday, and my toes still look cute!  (Before the pedicure, I had painted my toes purple (my 2 year old Taycie chose the color).  They looked horrible, because the purple clashed with the orange color of my feet, but I hadn't taken the time to redo it. 

 Here are my toes, and Lisa's.  She got a french manicure.  We had to walk out into the cold in these foam flip flops.  Brrrr.

 Here are my girl's nails. 

Here's one of my orange feet, and one of Lisa's cute little feet.  

Lisa showed us this YouTube video about manicures.  We all laughed so hard, because it exactly depicts the lady who did our nails.  She even said the exact same things!  I can't believe how similar it was to this routine!  She tried talking my daughters into gel on their nails (for $15 more), and asked Aliysa if she had a boyfriend, and if she wanted to have a boyfriend.  She also asked if Aliysa believed in Santa Claus ("Sana Claw") Aliysa could not understand what she said, and she had to repeat if four times.  It was so funny. 

HCG Test this week

I just got a call with my result....

....10.8!!!

I'm so excited. 

The first day of the year

January 1, 2013
I just got home from a mile and a half walk outside.  It wasn't exactly a zippy walk, but I was happy to have the energy to go outside.  I was bundled in thermals, and wearing the YakTrax that Bob got me for Christmas a couple of years ago.  It was so beautiful.  Walking outside clears my mind and calms my soul.  I saw rabbit and deer tracks, and spotted birds, a hawk, and some deer.  One deer and I stood still a few yards away and stared at each other.  Sigh.  I love where we live.  I came home to a warm home filled with noisy, beautiful children who I love.

Something I'm thankful for today is my eyesight.  Looking at all the white snow makes all the spots that I have in my eyes really visible.  When I was younger, we found out I had a condition called ocular toxoplasmosis.  I probably contracted it when my mom was pregnant with me, and if so, I'm lucky to not be blind or have many other serious side effects from this parasite.  In my teens it came out of its dormant state, and I saw spots everywhere.  The doctors were very concerned because it was in my direct line of vision. I went on some pretty heavy medications to try to force it into dormancy again.  My eye doctor often invited other eye doctors to come in and look into my eyes while they were dilated, because they found it so interesting.  Each week I went back in.  I was told numerous times that I should never have children, because they could die, be mentally handicapped, etc. 

Later, in a two separate blessings, one when it became active during my first pregnancy, I was promised that there would be no lasting effects from this disease.  Somehow I was able to take that promise, and rely on it heavily and believe it completely while I went on to have nine healthy children.  Today while looking at all the spots that I see floating around (these spots are from the scar tissue), I thought about how different my life would have been if toxoplasmosis had taken my vision.  And I said a prayer about how grateful I was that I can see.  And I enjoyed all the beautiful sights on my walk. 

2012...Goodbye

2012.  How often during this year have I thought about how I would happily bid 2012 goodbye.  It has been the hardest year of my life.  Miscarriage, molar pregnancy, cancer, Bob going to the hospital, Aliysa's accident, financial trials, personal struggles, family and friends with serious challenges (it seems that 2012 has been a difficult year for so many!), sheer exhaustion, fear, worry.   There were times where I wondered "what's next?"  But amazingly, I don't want to forget this year.  I will remember this year forever.  Not for the trials, but for the amazing blessings that really do overshadow the problems.   The good things put the hard times in perspective, and our problems really are small compared to the goodness surrounding us.

I hope that the lessons I've learned will never be forgotten. While there are some struggles that I would choose to never have gone through, most of the challenges I'm actually thankful for.  And all of them have taught me lessons and changed me in amazing ways.

The most prominent trial has been me having cancer.  I have to say completely sincerely that I am really thankful for getting cancer.  I'm not saying that to tritely attempt to sound grateful for trials.  I'm saying that because it has been one of the best things that ever happened to me.  It has been so very hard.  But I've learned so much!  I have discovered what it takes to accomplish worthwhile goals.  It takes a lot of really hard work.  Day in, and day out, without giving in or giving up.  I've found an inner reservoir of strength that I didn't know I had. 

Last week, I was feeling really weak.  Anytime I stood up, I'd almost pass out.  I had gotten to a point where I had to really focus on my nutrition throughout the day.  I couldn't let myself go too long between meals.  Even if salad and carrot juice didn't sound good at the moment, or if I didn't want to chew up bitter almond pits or take a handful of vitamins.  I had to do those things just to have strength to get through the day.  And I realized that I had reached a point where I needed to constantly nourish my body.  I couldn't let it go for a while.  It made me think a lot about whether I'm that aware of when my spirit isn't being nourished adequately. 

Now, don't get me wrong, having cancer has not been fun.  Especially this week, I'm just so weary of it and ready for it to be over.  I want to spend my time and energy on other worthy goals, instead of investing so much into beating this cancer.   But it has been good for me. 

The lessons I've learned are really hard to put into words, so I'll probably save most of them for my personal journal.  But, as much as I've looked forward to bidding goodbye to 2012, and hoping for a happy, healthy 2013, I'm actually saying goodbye 2012, thank you for all you've taught me. 

A New Adventure

Bob just got a new job - he will be over the outside sales for Computer Lab Solutions in Idaho Falls.
http://www.computerlabsolutions.com/
They provide software to manage computer labs all over the world.  This is a position that Bob is really looking forward to.  He starts this Monday.   We will miss him, we've gotten so used to having him work from home.  However, I'm looking forward to a regular paycheck, health insurance, and the requirement to have a schedule! 

Self Confidence

Some people are camera shy....

and other people are not...

Some people steal the camera every chance they get, just to snap pics of themselves.

I find pictures like this on the camera almost every time I download pictures.

We love you, Lissy Lou