This week's hcg titer was down to 717.8. I'm a little impatient, and I just want to hear that it is at zero! But really, I'm so amazed and happy and grateful.
Here's what my diet is like each day:
- 1-2 quarts of carrot juice or carrot/beet/ginger juice
- 2-3 salads that include broccoli, cabbage, sprouts, carrots, beets, fresh ginger, garlic, onions, 1/2 an avocado, and topped with olive oil, Bragg's apple cider vinegar, Himalayan sea salt, and curry powder. Sometimes I add tomatoes and lettuce too.
- 2 oz. of fish (wild caught salmon or cod), cooked with lime juice, sea salt, coconut oil, dried dill and garlic powder.
- 1 egg (usually poached)
- 1 smoothie that contains 1/2 an apple, carrot juice, kale leaves, chia seed and frozen mixed berries. Sometimes a spoonful of coconut oil. It is sweet enough with those ingredients for me since I haven't had any "sweets" for a couple of months now.
- I also occasionally eat some sprouted & cooked lentils or beans. I add garlic powder, cumin, coriander, sea salt etc. to the beans when I cook them.
I am not craving sweets at all. Not one teeny bit. But I do have big time cravings for corn chips, tortillas, popcorn, and toast. I have been very strict about following this diet, but every now and then I've decided to "taste" a chip, a corn tortilla, or a cheddar sesame stick that I'm giving to my kids. Then I have to lock myself in a room so I don't gobble the whole package in an instant. Soon I start to feel reasonable again, and think "what am I doing? This diet is to get rid of
cancer!!!" and I realize that a chip or two is not worth it.
The other day I made homemade pizza for my family, and I honestly cried
in the kitchen because I wanted to eat it so much. So I went upstairs and
prayed for strength against something so silly as pizza. I got up from
my prayer and knew that I should go downstairs, eat my salad, and have a
couple of bites of pizza. I got up feeling so much stronger!
I've also tasted a few different foods when making them for my family, like soup or baked sweet potatoes, but only a few bites here and there. I can tell that we're going to need to "meet in the middle" with our family meals after I'm healed, and I'm working on a menu plan for that.
The emotions are the hardest thing. One minute I'm fine, the next I'm in tears. I cry a
lot. My energy level changes from moment to moment, and I'm always trying to judge whether I'm exhausted, drained, scared, worried or just plain lazy. I don't like having this on my mind all the time, but yet I need to focus on doing everything I can to get better.
Sometimes I just want life to go on hold while I get better, but Bob still has work, we still have church callings, dirty diapers, dishes, laundry, grocery shopping, doctor appointments, meals that need to be made, arranging rides for my kids to violin, cello, piano, seminary, iFamily classes, ballet, ballroom, science, Spanish, gymnastics, and other little details of life like the other day: looking for a cub scout shirt, sending my children to buy and pick up 500 lbs of potatoes, home school, a spilled bucket of paint, a bathroom that needs deep cleaning, etc. etc. Juicing the carrots takes a good long time (and I'm tired of juicing carrots). Measuring out my supplements and preparing my meals takes time. And I'm also supposed to be getting some exercise, spending time in the sun, etc.
So, some people might wonder, why don't I just go do the chemo? Why take so many weeks to get the hcg to drop to zero, especially when I could probably get it to zero in just one week with conventional treatment?
I know I'll have a longer post on this later, but it comes down to this: today I felt a strong gratitude for this whole experience - the ups and the downs, and the lessons I've learned. I've been losing weight and getting healthier, my skin is clear, my hair is healthy, I'm learning self control, I'm eating the way I've always really wanted to eat consistently. I am able to think clearly. My prayers have been deeper and more heartfelt through the trials this year than they've ever been. My family is learning to serve, because I just can't do it all, and I can't even try some days.
I could go and have doctors inject a poisonous substance into my body. It would make my hair brittle and dry, make me have sores in my mouth, cause me to have fuzzy thinking, and possibly cause a more serious cancer later. I've prayed about that. Some weeks I've been so tired of all this that I've almost called the doctor to have him schedule treatment. I've even prayed if I should send my children to school for a while (the answer was 'no', they are still learning the things that God wants them to, even if our school is far from perfect)
Through my prayers, I've been led slowly and surely on the path that I've taken. I now completely understand why people choose conventional treatment, and I'm thankful that it has worked for some of them. I'm grateful for the alternative treatments that are also available. I've developed a gratitude for the foods, vitamins, herbs, etc. that God has prepared that can assist in healing. I don't know if I'll be healed completely through natural means, but even if I'm not, I'm grateful.
