Saturday, December 22, 2012

The plan for now...

We are home from a wonderful trip to Utah.  I want to write everything about it, but it is late, so I'll just update on my appointment with Dr. Jolles.  We called and were able to see him while we were in Utah.  I was feeling so defeated and just exhausted the day that I found out my hcg level had risen again.  I had visions of spending Christmas day in the hospital doing chemotherapy, and it just didn't seem right when we'd come so far.  I felt like I was losing a battle even when I'd done all I could.  (Luckily my sister and sister-in-law kidnapped my daughters and me for my birthday for  pedicures....it lifted my spirits.  More on that later.) 

Even though our previous visits with Dr.  Jolles had gone well, I was nervous for this one and felt that I knew what he would say.  I felt like he'd say the only option was chemotherapy, and that he would be afraid to let me keep trying what I've been doing.  I was wrong.  We were praying that we would all be guided and I know that prayer was answered.

Dr. Jolles is a thoughtful, kind, doctor with no pretenses.  We talked about our questions about risks, and to some of them he would answer honestly "we just don't know the answer to that".  Other questions he would think about, and there were a couple of times where we all just sat in silence, quietly thinking.

He said that usually the numbers from the past few weeks would be a cause for concern, but most of the time when he is dealing with these numbers, it is with patients who have gone through chemotherapy, gotten down to zero, and then started going back up.  That is a big danger sign.  But he admitted that this doesn't fit my case, because our situation has been different with the way we've dealt with it.  He seemed honestly supportive of all we've done, and interested in my case. 

He said that he doesn't think there would be a danger to waiting a couple more weeks to see if we can get it decreasing again.  (Yeay!!!)  We all felt good about that, and felt that starting chemotherapy at this point would be premature.  He said "we three will pray that there will be a definite trend one way or another during those weeks."

Bob expressed our thanks for how he has been open and willing to work with our wishes.  In fact, Bob told him "we flat out love you!"  At this point he got a sheepish grin before regaining his professional demeanor.

We shared lots of other questions, and realized just how much Dr. Jolles has studied this type of cancer.  He told us how lots of the research for this disease has been in Great Britain, and what their approaches have been. 

We feel good about watching it a couple more weeks, and hopefully it will drop to zero!

As we went to leave, Dr Jolles gave me a big hug...so kind. 

1 comment:

Ahren said...

I'm so glad. That is good to hear. We are praying for you so much! We love you and miss your wonderful family.